Monday, July 21, 2008

The Three Faces of Me

In my summer psychology class, my portion of our group presentation involved examining psychological disorders, specifically multiple personality disorders. The themes of multiple personalities has been explored in many films and television shows. Pop culture books examine the nuances of people like “Sybil” and “Eve”. As I delved into the mysteries of dissociative identity disorders, I became suspicious of three particular people: Me, Myself and I. Yikes. I think I have this disorder.

First, there is Tammy Jo, the ideal woman that JD married: that would be the woman who goes to church, cleans her house meticulously, cooks 5+ course meals for her guests, and operates a small hostel for the family and friends who often show up for visits and extended stays. This woman is usually congenial, fun-loving and likes to entertain. Socially she is comfortable and enjoys being around friends and family. When she is engaging, she can be the life of the party. This woman has not been seen since 2005. There is an ongoing manhunt to find her. If you see her, please phone J.D.

Second, there is Tam, the nursing student wannabe: this person is a hyperactive student who stays up all night, preparing papers, lab reports, and group projects. She is often attached to the internet, leaves much of the housework undone for months at a time, and laments that while she has perfection in her academic life, she loathes the idea of cooking and laundry. She is prone to impatience, fits of worry and anxiety about the last set of applications she has mailed out to various nursing schools. She waxes and wanes between feeling superior and utterly despondent about her station in life. Tam has good grades but feels she is discriminated against because of her age. While self confident, she thinks there is no end in sight, and can be seen mumbling in the corner “I just want to be a nurse”. She escapes from her non-reality of being an actual nurse, by voracious reading of books having nothing at all to do with nursing. She consumes massive amounts of caffeine, hangs out with other women who do this and is generally a cynic when it comes to most things. She thinks that Tammy Jo will be found when she finally becomes a nurse. Ha! What a farce. Despite her evil tendencies to be fiercely competitive, she will make an exceptional nurse someday.

Lastly, there is the Mrs. Maher, the Mom, the woman who has three teenagers of varying
temperaments and complexities. She can be seen driving up and down the freeways all during the day and night, taxiing her children to their social engagements and educational pursuits. She hasn’t had her hair done in three months and periodically checks her toenails to see if the polish from June still looks good. She has no use for pantyhose or closed toed shoes, and thinks a good meal can be found at the loft at Nugget Market in Town Centre. The Mom laughed louder than anyone else at the movie “Mamma Mia” and sobbed her guts out during the scene when Meryl Streep painted her daughter’s toe nails. Mom needs hormonal assistance in Thyroid world, and thinks that losing weight will solve all the world’s problems. She can be seen occasionally enjoying a glass of wine and frequently will kiss her husband on the cheek and pat him on the back. He puts up with that. She thinks he’s a saint. He is still looking for Tammy Jo…if you see her, don’t forget to call him.

Tammy Maher is a bi-weekly columnist for the Mountain Democrat. You can reach her on the web at

1 comment:

tom mcgowan said...

If you did a psychological disorder examination on me, Holy Crap, you'd get your PhD right there then!